How to … lose your friends in 5 simple steps

Ever wondered how you could destroy your friends’ digital DNA in the most efficient way? Look no further. If you follow these 10 simple steps they will not only become digital DNA zombies but will also abrogate your friendship (at least on Facebook) ultimately.

  • Publish images showing your friends in crappy situations (wearing nothing but underwear or drinking liquor out of giant bowls – the possibilities are endless) and link every single one of them with the correct people. This works even better if you promised your friends not to publish their pictures in advance.
  • Spam their profile pages with endless amounts of useless status updates for every second of your life. Usually this takes 300 to 400 status updates – a day.
  • Link their profile pages or other private information to dating platforms or – even more efficient – set up a profile for them on the most disgusting or perverted dating platform you can find. And then, try to make out dates between your friend’s boss.
  • Get yourself a secondary Twitter account named after one of your friends. Boy, in the right hands … this could hurt!
  • If you find yourself trapped and unwatched in your friends apartment, install some webcams here and there and set up the hottest YouTube channel ever.

This should work, I think.

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